Turning frustrations into Systems solutions; 1 year since I lost my wife

savvy, stump the shrink, & skills

Last month I covered the first part of what to do about frustrations you might have at work (and home). This month I’ll complete my response to Courtney by using her example of partly a self-directed frustration and mostly an outer-directed frustration. These are the next steps in the Key Frustration Process originated by Michael Gerber.

The next step is to translate frustrations into systems solutions.

You can see more in last month’s  Tips and Topics on what Courtney’s frustration was about, but here is a brief summary:

Part self-directed frustration:

Problem: Courtney said: I’m feeling very stuck and unsure about how to move forward with an employee… I’ve been trying my best to model and encourage alternative approaches (and also I’ll admit to the passive-aggressive e-mail forwards from time to time) but so far nothing has changed…… I’m driving myself more mad than I am getting anywhere with him…. I am very passionate about providing a safe, comforting and welcoming environment to our clients… I’ve had countless conversations with my director (and even my personal therapist) but I still find myself feeling stuck and frustrated at the situation

Mostly an outer-directed frustration:

Problem: Courtney said she has a problem with one particular counselor and his style/method of working with clients. He is one that is resistant to motivational interviewing (MI) skill-building or even knowledge and continues to fall back on the self-fulfilling prophecy (as described in my MI book) that clients with an addiction are difficult, resistant and in denial….. he frankly isn’t receptive to feedback about his clinical work and doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong or inappropriate. To be completely honest, the less clients he has, the happier he is as he doesn’t seem to want to really work that hard. He doesn’t seem to have passion for his work or that he is genuinely wanting to help clients. He truly reminds me of a client who “does time” rather than “treatment” as he seems to want to come to work, punch the clock, do his “time”, and punch out…. a counselor.. that doesn’t appear to want to do anything to improve his skills or his relationships with clients.

TIP 1

To translate the Self-Directed or Other-Directed Frustrating Condition into a System Solution requires careful assessment and quantification

What follows may seem a bit obsessive compulsive, however it is a necessary process if you are serious about not being frustrated all the time. You could skip this TIP, but don’t blame me if you and your team keeps feeling frustrated.

Let’s follow Courtney’s outer-directed “problem” with this sequence of 3 questions.

Frustration Example: The counselor doesn’t appear to want to do anything to improve his skills or his relationships with clients.

STEP 1. Identify how a self-directed or outer-directed frustration impacts your agency, organization or business.

Ask these 3 questions of any frustration you might experience:

Q1: What does not work well in our organization because of this frustration?

Q2: What are some specific, detailed examples on what is not working well?

Q3: What are the concrete results and effects of this on our agency/organization?

Here we go:

Q1: What does not work well in our organization because the counselor doesn’t appear to want to do anything to improve his skills or his relationships with clients?

A1: I am very passionate about providing a safe, comforting and welcoming environment to our clients. He doesn’t seem to have passion for his work or that he is genuinely wanting to help clients.

• Get more specific. Dig more deeply about what is not working well. Be explicit and detailed.

Q2: What are some specific, detailed examples on what is not working well?

A2: He continues to fall back on the self-fulfilling prophecy that clients with an addiction are difficult, resistant and in denial… the less clients he has, the happier he is as he doesn’t seem to want to really work that hard…. he seems to want to come to work, punch the clock, do his “time”, and punch out.

• Become progressively more specific, and identify the results and effects this has on your agency.

Q3: What are the concrete results and effects when the counselor falls back on the self-fulfilling prophecy that clients with an addiction are difficult, resistant and in denial… wants less clients in his caseload, as he doesn’t seem to want to really work that hard…. he seems to want to come to work, punch the clock, do his “time”, and punch out?

A3: He is one that is “resistant” to motivational interviewing (MI) skill-building…. he frankly isn’t receptive to feedback about his clinical work and doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong or inappropriate. I don’t get the safe, comforting and welcoming environment to our clients, that I am passionate about creating.

Summary:

Having a counselor who is “resistant” to motivational interviewing (MI) skill-building; unreceptive to feedback about his clinical work and doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong or inappropriate with an environment that is not as safe, comforting and welcoming to our clients as what Courtney wants are the frustrating conditions in her program.

But she can deal with these ‘conditions’ far more effectively than the original outer-directed frustration (“The counselor doesn’t appear to want to do anything to improve his skills or his relationships with clients”) because:

• These conditions can be eliminated by the installation of a system
• The conditions are specific and when solved, moves Courtney closer to the safe, comforting and welcoming environment she wants.

STEP 2. Quantify the specific, frustrating conditions, wherever possible.

This adds clarity as you ultimately determine the most appropriate solution. This makes the frustrating conditions very precise.

Ask these 3 questions around quantification of any frustration you might experience.

Q1: What percentage of the time does this frustrating condition(s) occur?

Q2: How many times does this frustrating condition(s) occur each (day/week/month) on average?

Q3: What are the usual expectations of your agency so you can identify how big or small a problem you are dealing with?

Follow our example again with respect to quantification.

Q1: What percentage of the time does this frustrating condition(s) occur?

A1:

• In the case of the counselor being “resistant” to motivational interviewing (MI) skill-building, it is 75% of the time that he has to be urged and reminded to attend MI trainings provided.
• In the case of the counselor being unreceptive to feedback about his clinical work and thinking he’s not doing anything wrong or inappropriate, it is over 80% of his supervision sessions.
• In the case of having an environment that is not as safe, comforting and welcoming to our clients I want, it is 25% of the time.

Specify and quantify further.

Q2: “How many times does this frustrating condition(s) occur each (day/week/month) on average?”

A2:

• In the case of the counselor being “resistant” to motivational interviewing (MI) skill-building, he misses trainings 3 of the 4 quarterly Motivational Interviewing trainings we provide.
• In the case of the counselor being unreceptive to feedback about his clinical work and thinking, it is 10 of his monthly case reviews in his supervision sessions, where he feels he is not doing anything wrong or inappropriate.
• In the case of having an environment that is not as safe, comforting and welcoming to our clients, a quarter of our three item client feedback ratings indicate that clients did not feel safe, comforted and welcomed.

Specify and quantify even more. You will be looking to find how big or small a problem you have.

Q3: What are the usual expectations of your agency so you can identify how big or small a problem you are dealing with?

A3:

• Each counselor is expected to participate in each of the four quarterly Motivational Interviewing trainings we provide.
• Each counselor is to have an in-depth case review once a month and demonstrate some learning improvements in attitudes, knowledge and skills in at least 80% of case review supervision sessions.
• Our three item client feedback ratings results should indicate that clients felt safe, comforted and welcomed in 90% of ratings scales.

Each answer to a previous question should be progressively questioned. If you do, this will lead you to the most appropriate solution.

Question even the solution further:

• If I can’t get every counselor to attend 100% of quarterly trainings, can I expect them to attend 75% of trainings?
• If I can’t have every counselor is to have an in-depth case review once a month and demonstrate some learning improvements in attitudes, knowledge and skills in at least 80% of case review supervision sessions, could I expect 60%?
• If our three item client feedback ratings results don’t indicate that clients felt safe, comforted and welcomed in 90% of ratings scales, could I expect at least 80% positive feedback ratings?

Summary:

Quantifying with “real” numbers is far more valuable than approximating. Approximations can often simply reinforce an inaccurate perception. If you actually quantify, you might discover you have a very different condition than you thought existed in the first place.

TIP 2

Step 3 involves translating all Self-Directed or Other-Directed Frustrating Conditions into a System Solution

STEP 3. Seek system solutions

Ask this question:

Q: What system can I set up that will achieve the results I want in the organization or agency?

Follow our example again with respect to developing a systems solution.

System Question: “What system could I set up that would ensure that every counselor attends at least 75% of trainings on Motivational Interviewing?”

System Answer: Perhaps all trainings would end with a free staff lunch; and participation is part of the job description and job performance and recorded in the staff personnel file.

System Question: “What system could I set up where every counselor is to do an in-depth case review once a month and demonstrate some learning improvements in attitudes, knowledge and skills in at least 60% of case review supervision sessions?”

System Answer: Perhaps there could be a peer-review, case presentation, group supervision where each counselor presents a client case that either shows good improvement to identify what is working; or a client who is not progressing well in order to get consultation. At the end, the counselor is to explain what learning improvements and in attitudes, knowledge and skills were experienced and that is entered into a group supervision note. The counselor’s participation and learning growth can be measured and tracked as part of an evaluation and employee accountability system.

System Question: “What system could I set up to ensure that clients feel safe, comforted and welcomed as demonstrated by at least 80% positive feedback ratings?”

System Answer: Perhaps you could create a system of feedback that uses real-time client feedback in the spirit of Feedback Informed Treatment (FIT) to allow a daily (if inpatient or residential level of care) or at every outpatient session feedback ratings on a three point scale of how safe, comforted and welcomed do you feel today or at this session?

• Obviously your exact system will be based on an analysis of your specific frustration, plus quantification of what are the most recurring conditions in the frustration. The solution is not a random stab at quick fixes.

It takes commitment to develop a systems solution – or you could just complain and feel like a victim 🙂

Reference:

The material above has been adapted from Gerber Business Development Corporation’s Key Frustration Process. Michael Gerber, E-Myth Worldwide Web: http://www.e-myth.com

soul

It is one year since I lost my wife on February 23, 2019.   In May, I gave an update on my grief process and in August, that edition was all about SOUL – grief, loss, and moving forward as well as perspectives from my children and me.

Now it is a full year since that fateful day and my children and grandchildren are all together as a family gathered to remember Marcia, reminisce and review our paths and process over the past year.

I heard a podcast recently where a man was explaining that he had a run a successful radio show for many years. New owners bought the broadcasting company and he was lamenting that he was “pushed out” when they cancelled his show. The mentor who was helping him deal with his feelings, reframed his situation and outlook by saying:

They didn’t push you out, they freed you forward to expand into a whole new direction in your life and career.

When I heard that, I immediately related to that perspective. While losing my wife is a much more profound experience than losing a job, I was reminded and comforted by two insights. The first I wrote one year ago:

• Throughout my professional life and career, whenever there was a disruptive setback or bump in the road (sudden cutback in my contract hours and income on which I depended; loss of an important contract etc.), it has always opened up new opportunities and even a better future. New creative ideas, new career directions, new and better income potential have blossomed.

The second awareness and reframe is:

• When I lost my wife, she didn’t leave me alone and widowed, she freed me forward to re-birth myself into a whole new direction in my life and career. And she did that not only for me, but for my children and their families as well.

So as we remember, reminisce and review the year since her passing, here are a few of the new directions that “freed us forward” as a family:

• We all love this Carlsbad, Encinitis, San Diego area of California that Marcia had come so much to enjoy. Our oldest daughter, Miya and her family have always had a persistent attraction and “itch” to live in Hawaii. While life has been good in this area, there was no reason to move, especially as Marcia enjoyed it so well; and it maintained all the family living in Northern and Sounthern California with relative ease to come together as a family. But now, they are going to “scratch that itch” and Miya and her family are giving the northshore of Oahu, Hawaii a try to see if that’s where they want to fully relocate.
• For me, it has been convenient and comforting for all of the family to be in California within a short plane ride or a tank full of gas and drive away from each other. But spending more time in Hawaii for the grandgirls’ birthdays will not be too shabby. After all, we lived there for three years in the 1990s and know the islands well; my brother and most of his family still lives in Hawaii where they have for over 40 years; and there is nothing stopping me from hanging out in “paradise” as long as I want.
• Losing a wife and mother has a way of shaking up ones priorities to sharpen what is important in life, love and location. So each of us has become clearer in “going for it” and not living a “someday, one-day” life. How do we want to use our financial and personal resources so we have the freedom to live joyously and work smarter not harder? How do we invest our energies so we avoid budget creep where if you earn more, you spend more and stay stuck financially, bound to the work treadmill? How do we avoid the common dream of owning the big house only to be house poor, stressed to meet the big mortgage payment? How do we find the right balance between work and play; daily obligations and “to-do” lists and rest and relaxation to nurture love and relationships?
• As we talk together as a family, I remind us all that we don’t have to wait until death and the celebrations of the life of our lost loved one to remember and reminisce. What do we appreciate about each other that we want to say now, not later? Is there any unfinished business we need to complete with each other so we can be present with each other in full love and joy?

Regarding that last question, I know a few families where there are bitter feelings and rifts between husband and wife; partner and partner; brothers and sisters; children and parents; relatives and in-laws; and between old friends. I know it’s more complicated than “can’t we all just get along?”, but “can’t we all just get along?”.

Life together in the physical is short….even shorter for me. I’m determined to “get along”. This year of profound change has sharpened that resolve. That is what I wish for you too; and encourage you to give your loved ones and maybe your not-so-loved ones a real or virtual hug.