Welcome to the February edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY AND SKILLS, my son Taylor shares his reflections on where he and his sisters are seven years after losing their mother. They allowed their lives to be reconstituted around a new north star: Die Smiling. I highlight three tips that arose as I observed the process of three siblings creating a business together.

In SOUL, since I want to live a long, healthy, active life, this article excerpt caught my eye: “Your relationships have a huge impact on biological aging...” My grief update is that I am not stuck in paralyzed lonely grief.  To the contrary, I am thriving with a second chance to craft what life partnership means in body, mind and soul.

It is seven years since I announced “I lost my wife February 23, 2019.”  Every February since, I have updated readers on my grief process. This month, I am a proud father of three children whom Marcia and I nurtured to be the force of life they now are. It is a fitting tribute to her devotion to growth and learning that all three siblings have just launched two businesses they have created together. Taylor, representing Miya and Mackenzie, shares updates on their grief process.

Taylor’s Reflections

When our mother passed suddenly seven years ago, it was like an earthquake, tsunami, and forest fire all in one. It shook the ground, inundated our emotions, and incinerated our family reality. You never get over something like this, but you do move on. What helps is finding meaning, allowing the rawness of grief to round into something closer to purpose. What also helps is accepting that we are more than our bodies.

We watched our mother flatline in the ICU. It was intense and shocking. But in those dazed and brutal moments, I remember seeing her lifeless body and thinking, “That's not her.” I don't wish this lesson on anyone, but when you watch someone die in front of you, you realize that they are so much more than their body. It's what breathes life into the body, what animates the eyes, what feeds the smile. That's what we love. That's what we grieve, and miss.

This part of our mother has never really left us and my sisters and I feel her everywhere.

Our mum loved life. The energy of being alive. Dancing, singing, conversing, laughing, smiling. In the wake of her death, close spiritual advisors encouraged us to “unchain ourselves” and let our sorrow fuel what was next. And so we have.

We got real with ourselves about what we wanted, and we allowed our lives to be reconstituted around a new north star: Die Smiling. It's a simple idea, but one we feel is the best of what we can give the world. After all, isn't that what we all want more than anything, to come to the end of life and be able to let go with a real and true smile?

Like everything profound, it's remarkably simple to say and stunningly hard to live. But savoring life with those you love, giving your gift, and cultivating peace is, we believe, the most worthy journey.

So, given this is Tips and Topics, here's our only tip. Start with the first pillar of Die Smiling: savoring life with those you love, because as hospice nurse Bronnie Ware writes, “In the end, it's all about love and relationships.”

The Sibs

Miya, Taylor, and Mackenzie run Die Smiling® and Beyond the Script. Die Smiling is a club of people who want to be proactive about living meaningful lives. Beyond the Script grows and trains sales teams for the Artificial Intelligence (AI) age.

As I have watched my three children work together to launch their businesses, three tips come to mind that are worth sharing.

Tip 1

Ponder what kind of relationship you want to have with your siblings or actually anyone.

Sadly, too many siblings don’t get along; are estranged or rarely talk to each other.

A YouGov survey found that nearly one-quarter of American adults say they are currently estranged from a sibling.

If this doesn’t apply to your family, congratulations. But you still might want to review your current sibling relationships and be a deliberate creator of the kind of relationship you want to have.

Here’s a quick guide to help you evaluate your relationship(s):

Step 1 - Answer this quickly. Don’t overthink. Who am I not savoring life with right now?

Step 2 - If a name comes to mind, write it down.

Step 3 - Write down the last time you had real, uninterrupted time with them.

Step 4 - What is stopping you?

Step 5 - If nothing changed for a year, how would I feel?

• Fine

• Slight regret

• Deep regret

• Heartbroken

Step 6 - Pick one tiny step you could take in the next 48 hours.

• Send a text

• Call

• Plan something

• Apologize

• Show up

A fundamental pillar of Die Smiling is to Intercept Regret and get back on course to what really matters. It is too late to build the relationship joy you want when you are on your deathbed.

Tip 2

Make the shift from childhood stories about your sibling(s) to present time adulthood.

You don’t have to go into business together to start rethinking your relationship with your sibling(s). The fact that my children did and it required daily time together sped up what might occur more organically if you choose to restart or enhance your sibling relationships.

• Give up old stories about yourself and your sibling, e.g., you may be the oldest, but you no longer have to take care of your little sister or brother anymore.

• Old triggers can rear up when together as adults. It is easy to regress back into old childhood dynamics, despite thinking we have our older and wiser perspectives. Commit to conflict resolution – you’ll learn some illuminating insights about yourself and your sibling.

• Appreciate who the adult sibling is now, not the childhood stories that still linger about who he or she was.

• For yourself, rewrite your story as the adult you now are and reintroduce yourself to your family and friends.

Tip 3

Building the relationships you want is best done in community with others. It is not a solo project.

Whether you want better relationships with siblings or anyone, more relaxation time, money, friends or good health, use your imagination to sink into the feelings of achievement, satisfaction, and joy of that goal.

It is easier said than done. It was only through the long daily work meetings of their startup business that my children were able to build the “community” they needed:

• To stay focused and in abundance mode when there were bills to pay.

• To face doubts about their ultimate success.

• To tolerate changing views of how best to position their new ventures and the business proposition to market.

I used to say to them to remember TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More. Without a team and community, it is hard to keep the energy going. If this conversation sparked something in you, don’t let it fade.

Join the Die Smiling Club —a community of people who are proactive about living meaningful lives – a community committed to savoring life, strengthening relationships, and intercepting regret before it’s too late.

Go to www.diesmiling.com.

SOUL

My close relationship with my children is the enduring thread that ties us all together, where Marcia is still very much with us in spirit. At the same time, I am thriving as I build new opportunities to understand and evolve a second chance of what life partnership means in body, mind and soul.

If I were destined to be widowed and remain unpartnered, I know I could live with that. But happily, God, Source, the Universe or however you explain life, matched me with a partner to go deep with.

I would like to live a long, healthy, active life. So when this article popped up that said, “Your relationships have a huge impact on biological aging,” I was glad that I was not stuck in paralyzed, lonely grief.

The article said, “...despite decades of studies showing the lifelong importance of building and maintaining healthy, positive relationships, it’s often the longevity “tip” that gets the least amount of attention.”

This longevity tip applies whether you are looking for love in a life partnership or not. I know I am on the right track, and seven years later, all is well in my grief process.

UNTIL NEXT TIME

Thank you for joining us this month. See you in March.

David