Volume 23, No. 2, May 2025

Welcome to the May edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, a mother of five turns her focus from taking care of others to what it takes to find balance and purpose in The Free Me Life.

In SKILLS, Tips on where to get started when your energies have been centered on taking care of others. How to shift the balance from looking outward to discovering what lies within you.

In SOUL, what is freedom when your focus is not on daily survival? How does not caring what anybody else thinks bring you freedom? Artificial Intelligence helped me spell this out.

In many countries, Mother’s Day falls in May. Nana Abena has five children so she knows a lot about the joys and challenges that mothers face... not just from her own life experience in the USA but also from having lived and worked in Africa and China. I asked her to share some Tips on a subject she has been focused on for decades, but only recently crystallized as Founder of The Free Me Life.

Mothers, by nature and societal nurture are prone to:

• Take care of others’ needs often at the sacrifice of meeting their own needs.

• Create an identity that is inextricably linked to their children.

Research finds:

• Women spend twice as much time as men, on average, on childcare and household work.

• All groups experience a free-time gender gap, with women having 13 percent less free time than men, on average.

• Mothers spend 2.1 times as much time as fathers on the essential and unpaid work of taking care of home and family.

With women and mothers in mind, Nana is passionate about finding balance and purpose when feeling in the straitjacket of financial, emotional, spiritual and relational scarcity. In short, what does The Free Me Life look like for each individual? Her tips actually apply to all people not just women and mothers.

Tip 1

Make sure your own emotional cup is full before taking care of others.

It is easy to get caught up in the mundane and lose sight of the incredible possibilities that lie within us:

• Do I know when I am running on empty?

• What does that look and feel like? (e.g., physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia; emotional symptoms like impatience, depression or anxiety; relational symptoms like arguments, conflict or apathy; cognitive symptoms like difficulty with concentration and feeling overwhelmed.)

• What would it take to first be aware of how full or empty my emotional cup is; and then to start attending to it?

• Do I have a confidante or support group with whom to share and get feedback?

• Do I need professional help like a life coach or therapist?

• How do I monitor proactively the emotional fuel gauge rather than waiting until I am stranded on empty?

Tip 2

When the focus has been on taking care of others, it is difficult to even articulate what you need to live your Free Me Life.

The goal is to cultivate a mindset of abundance, and empowering yourself to take inspired action toward the life you desire. But that is easier said than done when there has been a chronic lack of looking inwards to discover who you are and what you want.

• What is my full potential? I know how to be a caretaker, nurturer, food preparer, housekeeper, transporter to school and extracurricular activities. But who and what am I besides all that?

• Do I even have the time and right to take time for myself when there are so many childcare, financial, household, educational and family pressing needs to attend to?

• I have a sense that I have some triggers and self-limiting patterns. But who has time to sit and ponder those?

• Even if I identified what a Free Me Life would look like, can I really break free from limiting beliefs and embrace my true potential? The daily demands can’t allow such self-indulgent luxuries.

About Nana Abena

Nana has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and a Master’s in Public Administration. She is a dedicated, world-traveled life coach and educator. With a passion for personal growth and exploration, Nana empowers individuals and communities to reach their full potential. Through her facilitated workshops, retreats and online formats, she unearths insights from diverse cultures around the globe. You can join her Facebook Free Me Life group to observe and/or follow other people’s journeys.

SKILLS

Here are a couple of Tips and on where to start in The Free Me Life.

Tip 1

Intentionally schedule time for yourself.

If you embrace the SAVVY Tips above, it will take deliberate practice to begin forging a new path.

• Just as important as scheduling doctors’ appointments, work calls, parent- teacher conferences, school pickup times and play dates is scheduling time for yourself.

• Like the airline safety talk says: “Take care of your own mask before helping others.”

• Whether it is meditation time, a gym workout, quiet solitary walks, journaling or coffee with a confidante, inward reflection won’t automatically appear without slotting the time in.

The goal is to schedule whatever time you need to do to begin to harness the power of your imagination to transform your dreams into reality. Whether you are seeking to ignite a new passion, shift your career, deepen relationships or enhance your personal growth, it starts with intentionally scheduling time for yourself.

Tip 2

Try different activities and experiences to discover what brings joy.

When you are out of practice at looking inwards and taking care of your own feelings and needs, a place to start is to throw spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks.

• Try some different foods instead of your tried and true favorites.

• Attend some different music events that you otherwise would ignore.

• Start a conversation with others who normally you might be too shy to approach.

• Hike to a different trail or lookout view from your usual choices.

• Travel to one of those places that has been on your bucket list.

• Reconnect with an old friend that somehow you lost touch with, consumed by the pressing responsibilities of day.

• And the list goes on... 

The goal is deliberately identify what defines you as a joyful, empowered person in charge of your Free Me Life. From that position of discovery, you can choose to find the balance and purpose to attract abundance thinking when we have been so practiced in frustration and scarcity.

SOUL

William Glasser, M.D., was an American psychiatrist and father of Reality Therapy. In 1972, he published “The Identity Society” where he “draws upon the basic premises and concepts of reality therapy to point out the cultural shift from goal to role motivation that has occurred in Western society.” “This interesting societal study... presents a view that since survival is no longer the major issue for humans, development of self and identity is a normal social quest.”

While “survival is no longer the major issue” for most people living in Western society, there are many at home and abroad who are indeed in daily survival mode. In this context, if you are reading Tips and Topics, you are likely not unhoused, malnourished, fearful for your life from bombs or terrorists and are ready to ponder “development of self and identity.”

For those of us blessed to have freedom from hunger, war, unspeakable abuse, persecution and deprivation, what is “freedom”? I have come to believe that freedom is not caring what anybody else thinks. I have heard versions of this definition so I Googled it to see if there was someone I should reference as a quote.

I wasn’t expecting Artificial Intelligence (AI) to spell out exactly the thoughts I planned to share with you. To my surprise (although I am increasingly not surprised by what AI can do), a crisp overview appeared that read, spoke and wrote my mind. So here is my first AI-assisted SOUL section:

“The statement 'Freedom is not caring what anybody else thinks' suggests that true freedom lies in being unburdened by the opinions of others, allowing you to live authentically and without fear of judgment. This idea can be understood as a form of emotional freedom or personal autonomy, where you are not dictated by external pressures.

Here's a more detailed look:

Emotional Independence:
Not caring about others' opinions can be a powerful way to achieve emotional independence. It means you're not letting external validation dictate your self-worth or actions.

Authenticity:
When you're not concerned with what others think, you can be more true to yourself and your values, leading to a more fulfilling life.

Taking Risks:
Free from the fear of judgment, you're more likely to take risks, explore new things and pursue your passions.

Self-Acceptance:
Embracing your true self without external validation is a key aspect of freedom, as you're no longer striving to be someone you're not to please others.

Potential Pitfalls:
While not caring about others' opinions can be liberating, it's also important to consider the potential consequences. Ignoring others' opinions entirely could lead to isolation or even harm to yourself or others.

Healthy Balance:
The key is to find a balance. You don't have to completely disregard others' opinions, but you should prioritize your own values and well-being.”

This is the starting point for my Free Me Life. What’s yours?

UNTIL NEXT TIME

Thank you for joining us this month. See you in late June.

David