Welcome to the August edition of Tips and Topics.
In SAVVY, on the journey from trauma to emotional freedom, the four phases of Awareness, Attending, Agency and Allowing provide guidelines on how to proceed. Leah has written and trained more specifically about these phases.
In SKILLS, implications for the individual and for those interested in trauma-informed work involve making peace with your knee-jerk reactions to triggers and welcoming these “old friends” as the first step in processing trauma. Helping professionals are encouraged to resist the impulse to dwell only on past trauma as the primary focus of counseling and therapy.
In SOUL, insight alone doesn’t change behavior. Conscious awareness of automatic triggered behavior opens the opportunity to choose how to respond. Taking action on that awareness involves the 3 Ps: Pause, Ponder, Proactive, versus a reactive response.
Over the past four years Leah, a friend and colleague, and I have collaborated on exploring questions like these:
What is the balance between digging deep into past trauma and the accompanying counterproductive coping adaptations in contrast to focusing on living joyously and optimistically in the present?
How can a person with a history of trauma cultivate peace when there are physical, emotional, social and spiritual challenges swamping them, sometimes on a daily basis?
In the September 2023 edition of Tips and Topics, Leah addressed these questions and shared her recovery journey and the role of processing trauma in moving into true joy. Since then she has written a book and trained on Trauma-Responsive Communication. You can see more about her book and training at her website, Safe to Engage.
I am at the end of my career and Leah is at the beginning of hers. Yet I have enjoyed and benefited from our collaboration and wanted to share some of the insights I have gained through our discussions. You can read more detail in Leah’s book, Authentic Connection - What You've Been Missing and How to Find It.
Tip 1
The first two stages of moving through trauma to living authentically and joyfully are Awareness and Attending.
Awareness
If a person is unaware of childhood trauma and wounds, the repeated coping mechanisms often do not serve them well. As Leah wrote in 2023:
“Awareness of one’s knee-jerk reactions to triggers is a first step in processing trauma.
“A sense of self-trust and internal safety may take a long time to develop, as one becomes aware of their knee-jerk reactions in response to triggers. Early on in their recovery processes, people often don’t realize that they even have a choice in how they respond to their triggers; or that they’re even having a trauma-response.”
So the painful but necessary process of facing these counterproductive patterns is actually the first hopeful step to emotional freedom.
For example:
If I have struggled with a childhood wounding that “I must be doing something wrong,” there is a knee-jerk reaction of defensiveness and anger at the slightest hint of criticism or disapproval. Not until I notice this repetitive reaction can I be aware of what is fueling the knee-jerk response.
Attending
Once a person is aware of the origins of their knee-jerk trauma responses, insight alone won’t immediately change reactions, behaviors and thoughts. It takes attention and action to forge new pathways where you are proactive rather than reactive… where you are increasingly able to choose what you want and how to respond.
Attending embodies:
Paying attention to what was previously a knee-jerk, trauma-inspired reaction.
Taking action to practice an empowered response to a situation.
Focusing on new ways to respond to triggering situations away from automatic, survival-oriented trauma responses.
For example:
By paying attention to how old thinking of “I must be doing something wrong” evokes defensiveness and anger, I now can take action to first sink into what was actually said to me; whether I agree or not with their comment; and what an empowered “me” wants to say. With this non-triggered consideration and focus, I can practice calmly agreeing or disagreeing with what was said.
Tip 2
The next two stages to gain mastery over trauma and achieve serenity and joy are Agency and Allowing.
Agency
Agency is the sense of personal autonomy where a person has the ability and power “to make free choices and act independently in their environment” (Google). Only as one is Aware of trauma responses and Attends to forging new pathways of response to triggers, can they develop a sense of Agency and empowerment.
For example:
As attention and practice forges new empowered responses to replace knee-jerk trauma reactions, the old message shifts from “I must be doing something wrong” to “I’m getting better and better at knowing what I want, voicing that and speaking up for myself.” That sense of mastery and effectiveness is the Agency that prepares one for the next stage.
Allowing
It is difficult to be in a receptive, hopeful, centered state of mind when faced with daily knee-jerk trauma responses deep in survival fight-or-flight mode. Calm, considered, empowered action is hijacked by unresolved trauma wounds. But as a sense of Agency takes hold, a peaceful and confident person emerges to Allow ease, satisfaction, serenity and joy to blossom.
For example:
As confidence grows from practicing “I’m getting better and better at knowing what I want, voicing that and speaking up for myself,” that empowered way of being allows for:
healthy vulnerability;
a quiet sense of safety;
and the ability to be emotionally free unshackled from knee-jerk trauma responses.
What are implications for the individual and for those interested in trauma-informed work?
Tip 1
Make peace with your knee-jerk reactions to triggers and welcome these “old friends” as the first step in processing trauma.
“Making peace” means:
Taking out the shame and sense of failure if and when a trauma response shows up again and you find yourself triggered and reactive.
Accepting these responses as a part of your history and the fabric of who you are as a whole person, warts and all.
Knowing you are not the walking embodiment of trauma, but rather a much grander, expanding, and evolving person and creation.
“Welcoming” your triggers as “old friends” means:
Embracing any return of knee-jerk reactions as an opportunity for more clarity and growth.
Facing a trauma response not as something to be feared and shunned, but as a reminder of what growth is yet to come.
As you develop a safe relationship to yourself and others, real healing can start to blossom.
For example:
I may find myself slipping back into “I must be doing something wrong,” and getting defensive and angry. I am more aware now of that childhood wounding and keep practicing to attend to it. As I keep developing agency and empowerment, I can more quickly catch myself, soothe myself and get back on track to remember that “I’m getting better and better at knowing what I want, voicing that and speaking up for myself.”
Tip 2
As a helping professional, resist the impulse to dwell only on past trauma as the primary focus of counseling and therapy.
Clinicians are trained to focus on and assess the past – trauma history, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), dysfunctional family and cultural patterns etc. This is necessary, but not sufficient to move through trauma to emotional freedom.
“Necessary” because you can’t address what you are not Aware of. Understanding the past and how these childhood woundings affect today’s knee-jerk reactions and automatic trauma responses is a necessary first step.
But it is not “sufficient” to stay stuck on those stories and realities. Unless one can move onto re-focusing and Attending to these knee-jerk patterns, the journey to freedom can’t begin.
Use the Awareness of trauma and triggers to jump start Attending to doing something differently to own and address triggers. As a sense of Agency builds to bring hope that one is not the victim of their self-defeating patterns, this Allows increasing confidence that a new way of being and reacting is possible.
Within this framework, helping professionals can join with their clients to navigate this journey at a pace that honors where a person is at, but also provides hope for a path forward.
Insight into your trauma responses does not translate into immediate change in thoughts, feelings and behavior. Conscious awareness of automatic triggered behavior opens the opportunity to choose how to respond rather than to shoot first and aim later.
As I practice daily taking action on that awareness, I dreamed up the 3 Ps. If you’ve been a reader of Tips and Topics you know how I enjoy these memory shortcuts. You probably noticed the 4 As: Awareness, Attending, Agency and Allowing.
Pause – Take whatever time you need to slow down the triggered trauma response. Defensive survival patterns will knee-jerk you into action.
Ponder – Sink into what it is I am thinking, feeling and doing. What age am I being in this reaction, e.g., a wounded 5 year old? A scared and hurt 10 year old? What does the empowered adult me want, and how do I say it, not yell it in anger or fear?
Proactive response versus reactive – with awareness, attending and agency, I can now proactively respond calmly, and clearly and confidently choose what I want to say and do.
As a helper, you can best inspire others by first taking care of your own 4 As and 3 Ps. Then you’ll be most effective in helping others walk the walk from trauma to emotional freedom.
Thank you for joining us this month. See you in late September.
David