Welcome to the October edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, like Dr. Amir Levine, I was surprised to learn about adult attachment styles and that there is a large body of literature and research. Dr. Levine outlines four basic attachment styles or working models defined by how you respond in certain relationship situations. These styles are malleable, and you have the ability to change.

In SKILLS, the Attachment Style Quiz is free and research-validated, and maps your attachment topography across all your relationships. You can take the Attachment Style Quiz to find out your general attachment style and what relationships are most secure for most people. How do seemingly insignificant minor interactions (SIMIs) help develop secure relationships?

In SOUL, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is a myth. Dr. Levine: “What I really am very grateful for is how malleable and adaptive our social brain is, that we have, at any given chance, the ability to rework those attachment styles. We have that malleability, that ability to change.”

Welcome to the September edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, I share a few of my favorite 12-Step recovery slogans and sayings from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and why they are so meaningful to me: Attraction, not Promotion; Progress, not Perfection; and There but for the grace of God, go I.

In SKILLS, some of the slogans and sayings focus on SKILLS to support the recovery process. I explain the implications for recovery of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired); One Day at a Time; and Keep Coming Back.

In SOUL, South Africa is a fascinating country. Seeing African wildlife at such close range from the safari truck was breathtaking. Equally impressive, but from a different angle, was tracing the history of Nelson Mandela and seeing the cell where he was imprisoned for 18 years. With an overall 27 years in political imprisonment, how did he keep his sanity to stay hopeful and effective in leading his people out of Apartheid?

Welcome to the August edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, on the journey from trauma to emotional freedom, the four phases of Awareness, Attending, Agency and Allowing provide guidelines on how to proceed. Leah has written and trained more specifically about these phases.

In SKILLS, implications for the individual and for those interested in trauma-informed work involve making peace with your knee-jerk reactions to triggers and welcoming these “old friends” as the first step in processing trauma. Helping professionals are encouraged to resist the impulse to dwell only on past trauma as the primary focus of counseling and therapy.

In SOUL, insight alone doesn’t change behavior. Conscious awareness of automatic triggered behavior opens the opportunity to choose how to respond. Taking action on that awareness involves the 3 Ps: Pause, Ponder, Proactive, versus a reactive response.

Welcome to the July edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, adolescent developmental issues challenge both parents and their children. If an adolescent client shows up for an appointment, frame it in your mind and theirs that they are very motivated for treatment. How social media complicates developmental issues for adolescents.

In SKILLS, don’t put adult expectations and values onto adolescents when it comes to communication and engagement in treatment. What is most important to the client should be the goal of treatment, not what you think they should be working on. This allows for accountability and outcomes monitoring. Discussions about social media.

In SOUL, I am always interested when I see clips of accomplished people reflecting on “What would I tell my younger self?” So I thought I’d give it a try too. I share my top three things I wished I had known when I was younger. But that would be “young wisdom,” an oxymoron.

Welcome to the June edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, I reflected on how we raised our three children and pondered on “What would I emphasize to them now, in retrospect, about what they should teach their children?” Tips on how to focus on being a whole person in control of your own joy and develop a successful relationship.

In SKILLS, if one embraces the concept that I am the architect and creator of my own happiness and joy, there are SKILLS that advance that perspective. How to use “I statements” to identify your feelings and needs and productively resolve conflicts.

In SOUL, Naval Ravikant, an Indian-born American entrepreneur and investor, suggests the Currency of Life is what you choose to pay attention to and what you do about it. Social media is seductive in wooing your attention and so much time can be spent there. Yet I have found so much creative, stunning and amusing content to enjoy. How do you spend the Currency of Life?

Welcome to the combined April/May edition of Tips and Topics. This edition starts the 24th year of publishing Tips and Topics. Why a combined April/May edition?

• Firstly, guest writer Kristin Dempsey has presented a lot of important information that deserves your thoughtful attention.

• She agreed to step in since I was returning from three weeks away in Japan and it would have been a squeeze for me to rustle up the April edition.

• Then I realized I am off to the Greek Islands in just over two weeks, leaving a short window to get out the May edition.

So it is fitting that we all “win” to allow you time to digest Kristin’s comprehensive information and for me to ease into the next joyful event of living the life of retirement.

In SAVVY, Kristin shares tips on the constant construction of Motivational Interviewing (MI) skills so she talks of Advancing MI, not Advanced MI; the usefulness of the Four Tasks of MI as a map; and if the session is not going well, first check your own agenda.

In SKILLS, Kristin writes about the importance of creating psychological safety for clients; of changing our perspective as helpers that can make a difference in how we approach our work; and getting curious about what creates a client’s stuckness.

In SOUL, Kristin selected one of her favorite attitudes that support MI, and her choice was curiosity. She defines curiosity as the wonder that comes from an ongoing desire to learn, which typically requires that we are open and flexible.

In my SOUL section, I remind myself and you as to why I started Tips and Topics 23 years ago. Whether you are a longtime reader or new to Tips and Topics, the mission hasn’t changed. I remain a resource for your questions or comments on person-centered services.

Welcome to the March edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY, parents of older teens face dilemmas on what to do with their children who don’t want to go to school. Stage of change work and motivational interviewing can help. But should parents just allow their child to drop out of school and turn their focus to preparing their teen for adulthood and self support?

In SKILLS, two case examples illustrate the questions and decisions parents and teachers face on how to proceed with soon-to-be-adult teens who don’t want to go to school or who want to drop out. How two families dealt with the situation.

In SOUL, for children of any age and for anyone who is still working to make a living, become an effective learner and builder. In the rapidly changing era of AI, the career you are training for or already working in could well morph into something unrecognizable or even disappear.

 

Welcome to the February edition of Tips and Topics.

In SAVVY AND SKILLS, my son Taylor shares his reflections on where he and his sisters are seven years after losing their mother. They allowed their lives to be reconstituted around a new north star: Die Smiling. I highlight three tips that arose as I observed the process of three siblings creating a business together.

In SOUL, since I want to live a long, healthy, active life, this article excerpt caught my eye: “Your relationships have a huge impact on biological aging...” My grief update is that I am not stuck in paralyzed lonely grief.  To the contrary, I am thriving with a second chance to craft what life partnership means in body, mind and soul.

 

Welcome to the January edition of Tips and Topics and a joyful, healthy 2026.

In SAVVY, I am always on the lookout for research and studies that compare and contrast medications with other helping methods and techniques. Three SAVVY Tips on research that does just that for depression, opioid withdrawal and dementia.

In SKILLS, Tips that can help you think about your New Year’s resolutions; what to do in tense family gatherings or any situation where conflict might arise about politics and religion; and how to deal with uncertainty and its related anxiety and depression.

In SOUL, did you know that on a cellular level, we are re-making ourselves every moment of every day? By 2027, you will have lost and replaced a mass of cells equal to your entire body weight. I was surprised and heartened by some biological facts in the January 1, 2026 edition of Science Friday.

Welcome to the December edition of Tips and Topics. Wishing you a healthy, happy holiday season.

In SAVVY, Angela Haupt wrote about “5 phrases that drive therapists up a wall.” Clients demonstrate a variety of issues that become the work of therapy. I organized those phrases under three SAVVY tips.

In SKILLS, I wrote 20 years ago about how to develop a truly participatory treatment plan, one most likely to succeed in being followed. Exploring the “what, why, how, where and when” with a client focuses on how to develop the Treatment Contract.

In SOUL, I address issues relevant to paying a fee for therapy. It is an investment in the current process of therapy and in the future wellbeing it can bring. If you are a therapist, counselor or coach, the personal work you do sharpens your effectiveness for the good of your therapy clients.