Welcome to the March edition of Tips and Topics.
In SAVVY, parents of older teens face dilemmas on what to do with their children who don’t want to go to school. Stage of change work and motivational interviewing can help. But should parents just allow their child to drop out of school and turn their focus to preparing their teen for adulthood and self support?
In SKILLS, two case examples illustrate the questions and decisions parents and teachers face on how to proceed with soon-to-be-adult teens who don’t want to go to school or who want to drop out. How two families dealt with the situation.
In SOUL, for children of any age and for anyone who is still working to make a living, become an effective learner and builder. In the rapidly changing era of AI, the career you are training for or already working in could well morph into something unrecognizable or even disappear.
I don’t stay up on the latest developments in Artificial Intelligence (AI). But my son does, and he recently sent me an article, Something Big Is Happening by Matt Shumer (February 9, 2026) and said, "This is perhaps the best, most balanced assessment I’ve seen on where AI is, including the monumental updates that occurred earlier this month."
I didn’t even know there were “monumental updates” last month. But I noted Shumer’s advice to parents:
“Rethink what you're telling your kids. The standard playbook: get good grades, go to a good college, land a stable professional job. It points directly at the roles that are most exposed. I'm not saying education doesn't matter. But the thing that will matter most for the next generation is learning how to work with these tools, and pursuing things they're genuinely passionate about. Nobody knows exactly what the job market looks like in ten years. But the people most likely to thrive are the ones who are deeply curious, adaptable, and effective at using AI to do things they actually care about. Teach your kids to be builders and learners, not to optimize for a career path that might not exist by the time they graduate.”
In the last 25+ years of my career, I was more an educator than a practicing psychiatrist. I empathize with the dilemmas parents face when their soon-to-be-adult, late teen children find school unstimulating enough to not go or even drop out (more about two case examples later).
Tip 1
Parents need help to know how to navigate the rapidly changing educational landscape.
What struck me about Shumer’s advice was how it challenges not only parents, but our whole educational system. Too much of current curricula already doesn’t prepare students with the knowledge and skills they need to flourish in the real world. Now with AI rapidly changing the acquisition and use of knowledge and skills, it seems even further out of touch.
When parents present for your help with their older teen children who don’t want to go to school, what is the focus of your therapy?
Do you press on with strategies to get the child back in school?
Help the parent explore schools that teach curricula better matched to the child’s interests and skills?
Encourage parents to join groups advocating for re-imagining the educational system?
Extricate parents from the repetitive struggle with their child and let the soon-to-be 18 year old child drop out of school?
I don’t have answers to these dilemmas. Do you?
Tip 2
When children don’t want to go to school, stages of change work and motivational interviewing guide the clinical work.
Children who don’t want to go to school are in Precontemplation (not interested in changing) for school and in Action (what they want) for not wanting to go to school. Parents and teachers are in Precontemplation for letting them drop out and in Action for getting them to school.
This is the perfect recipe for dissonance, struggle and frustration for both the student and the parent or teacher. Motivational interviewing:
Starts with what the child is in Action for, not what the parent and teachers are in Action for.
Shifts the focus from getting to school to evoking from the soon-to-be-adult child exploration of how they will flourish without a high school diploma, how they plan to support themselves financially, and have a fulfilling life.
Helps parents decide what they want to do about ongoing financial support, housing and time management when their child turns 18 years old.
Tip 3
Tough questions and decisions for parents whose older teens drop out of school.
If therapists, parents and school counselors succeed in attracting the child back into completing high school, that stage of change has moved from Precontemplation to Action for school. That is wonderful and the result of a person-centered approach.
But if that doesn’t work, parents are faced with questions and decisions like:
Do I provide housing and food indefinitely until s/he gets a job, or do I set a time limit on how long they live rent-free?
Do they have to get a paying job, any job, since they are not interested in the child’s “job” of getting an education? How long do I allow them to ponder what job to get?
If they do get a paying job, what rent do I set? Or do I let them save that money to build up a security deposit and the first month’s rent they would need to get their own place?
Do I do the tough love limit setting and say, “If you aren’t going to get a formal education in school or college, you are 18 and are on your own and can’t live here with our support of housing, food and money”?
Personally, we never had to face these tough decisions. But I feel for parents who do.
Here are two case examples that bring these SAVVY issues to where the rubber meets the road.
Tip 1 – Case 1
“School is boring. I don’t see why I have to study Chemistry and Algebra. I’ll never use that. I want to be an entrepreneur and start a business.”
This 17 year old has struggled with depression and boredom, and is uninterested in many of the classes at school. Lisa (not her real name) has many excuses for not going to school. She is liked by teachers and students when she shows up and does indeed have entrepreneurial skills that have been successful since she was a youngster. For example, when she was in elementary school, she would buy candy in bulk at Costco and sell it from her backpack to fellow students at a premium.
Her parents have tried online school, transferring her to different schools, antidepressants prescribed by a psychiatrist, individual and family therapy, school counseling, and periods of giving up the struggle and just letting her stay home.
Lisa has a good relationship with her parents except for the school situation. The every morning struggle over “get up and get ready for school” just doesn’t seem worth it, especially with just a few months before Lisa turns 18.
Possible ways to proceed:
Stop the daily struggle, which only seems to create frustration for everyone and isn’t working anyway. Declare “You can drop out and do your General Educational Development (GED) tests later on.”
Shift the parent-child focus to, “What are you going to do when you turn 18, as we won’t be supporting you financially and housing wise if you are not in school?”
Use the months before she turns 18 to work on what job she wants to get; teaching budgeting and financial management; exploring what living situation Lisa wants (staying at home and paying rent) or moving in with roommates.
The goal is to help Lisa take responsibility for her decisions about school and face the realities of taking care of herself at 18 years of age. This may shift her stage of change back to Action for finishing her high school education; or enliven her to plan for “adulthood.”
Either way, the shift is towards a collaborative parent-child relationship instead of daily anger and frustration over the battle to go to school.
Tip 2 – Case 2
“If you are not going to go to school, you can’t just sit around here, play video games, and smoke weed.”
Joe (not his real name) is skilled in social media video posting but has little interest in the discipline of going to school, cleaning his room, and contributing to the family chores. His single mother is a hard-working entrepreneur and seeing her son’s aimlessness in education and career path is especially galling.
Online school, transfers to different schools and counseling did not prevent his eventual dropping out of school. Now 18, Joe seems no closer to a productive self-sufficient path than a year ago. With increasing frustration and family discord only increasing, his mother finally has had enough and concludes they can no longer live together.
Possible ways to proceed:
Send Joe back to his father with whom he has lived before.
Set a deadline for him to get a job and get his own place to live.
Find a studio apartment for Joe and pay his first year’s rent to transition him into taking care of himself.
The goal is to restore some calm and peace to the home as soon as possible and end the continual parent-child arguments about cleaning his room, getting a job and moving towards adult self support. Joe’s mother opted for the third option, which brought immediate relief from the daily discord and provided Joe some support as she pushed him from the nest.
As Shumer says, “Teach your kids to be builders and learners, not to optimize for a career path that might not exist by the time they graduate.” That is good advice for parents of children of any age and the earlier that starts the better.
In fact, given the lightning speed of change that AI is sparking, this advice applies to anyone of any age who is still working to make a living. Your career path is possibly ending or dramatically morphing into another shape you may not recognize. If you are slow at learning and building a nimble new direction – well, you know what might happen.
Since I am retired and a product of another era of careers and work, this is all a fascinating and disturbing observation from the sidelines. But I feel for parents and educators who question the value of pushing, cajoling, mandating and arguing with children about going to school.
Is it an exercise like mandating horseback riding to children as a means of transportation just before bicycles and automobiles were invented?
Becoming skilled at learning and building happily applies to all dimensions of life, not just school or work – relationships, travel and leisure, personal and interpersonal growth, spiritual expansion and physical, mental and sensual health.
Happy learning and building!
Thank you for joining us this month. See you in late April.
David